What Do Your Want From Me!

Today, we had the pleasure of having a masterclass with Claudia Catania.  She was such an amazing teacher and I feel very privileged to have gotten the opportunity to sing for her.  I was extremely nervous to sing today because, due to my own insecurities with my voice and knowing that I was one of three non-performance majors singing, I did not want to A. be thought of as lesser quality B. be treated with kid gloves or C. sound poor in comparison.  Overall, I had nothing to worry about because Ms. Catania was so nice and gave me such great advice that I know what I did well and what I need to continue to work on.

What was the most eye opening for me however, was actually my reaction to a question Ms. Catania asked all of us before our session, "What do you want from me?"  My initial response when I answered was about how I wanted to be the best music teacher I could and possibly have a studio one day and be a musicologist.  First of all, I did not specifically answer her question.  Basically, while using a bunch of words, I told her as much about what I wanted her to specifically help me with than just saying nothing at all.  Upon further reflection, I realized that in relation to my personal and professional goals I had/have absolutely no idea because I want so much!  Generally, I pride myself on knowing what I want and having some semblance of a plan on how to approach and achieve that plan.  After thinking about that question I realized that I ultimately could not successfully answer it because I did not know for myself.  I might have some ideas of what I might want to do based on what interests me, but I really just do not know.  I know that I do not need to have all of the answers for myself right now.  I might want them, but knowing everything is just unrealistic.  The masterclass definitely gave me a lot to think about in regards of what I want on a small scale rather than in the big picture.

Later in the day, one of our program advisers asked us about how we have been achieving our personal and professional goals and the same thing happened, I did not know.  Although I understood that haven't been really successful at projecting an air of confidence and becoming externally demonstrative (a personal objective/goal I had created for myself on this trip) I do know how I work and act in a New York City environment, and I do at least feel confident, as of now, that I would be successful in navigating the culture and lifestyle of this city.  I now challenge myself to bring that confidence to my performing and teaching.  So, maybe I haven't achieved my goal yet, but that it here the thing to focus upon, yet.  It is okay to be a work in progress.  We all are.  I need to accept that I cannot control everything.

Although I did not know when I woke up this morning that I would be pondering my inner psyche, I am glad that this trip has forced me to realize these things about myself.  Personally, I think that the best thing about not being perfect, is by recognizing your own faults, you give yourself an great way to improve to create the best version of yourself!  

Cory