Reflections

I can honestly say the New York Immersion program was life changing for me. Life changing! It's not often that someone can say that. Now I don't want to sound dramatic and cliche and say that a week in New York has completely transformed me into a new person, but it did affect me on a deeper level than just a trip, or even as a next step in my career. This trip has changed me as a person, for the better.

This didn't all happen in the first few minutes of getting there, actually I wasn't even sure I liked it at first. When we got off the plane their was just too much to take in. I knew it would be a shock so I reserved my judgment for a while because I'm not the type of person to make quick decisions (I would have acted the same way even if I found it amazing from the get go). Things were just too foreign at first. For instance when we got off our bus I noticed that their were cages around all the windows of the houses we passed. Most of the looked fairly decorative, but nonetheless they were cages. This idea was too much for me for some reason.

Also the abundance of horns being honked got to me. For the most part I loved the background noise that the city offered, it was in a strange way comforting, like I didn't need to focus on any one thing and nothing demanded my attention over anything else. Which is admittedly a weird concept, but I liked it. However the horns would sometimes get to me especially at first. I am from a small town of eight thousand where a horn was very seldom heard unless a friendly old man was saying hello, or you did something really wrong and need to be told off. In New York though it seemed like it was a way for cars to communicate with each other. I gradually learned (or at least got the feeling) that it's not all about road rage as it is letting someone else know that you are there so they don't hit you, but still their were instances where I would see traffic backed up and people would be laying on the horn expecting that to solve the problem. So, I guess if small towns are good for learning patience because I couldn't grasp the idea of needing to make your car shout at a red light expecting it to turn any faster.

These of course were just some initial observations that stood out to me after a while I got more of a feel for the city and the people. I loved how the everyone was content to go about their own business. Although I don't always seem it like it, especially on stage, but I'm kind of a nervous person, and it was nice to feel like everyone wasn't watching me. It seems like the opposite would be true, but in reality there are so many people it was almost impossible for me to feel like they were all wondering what my next move was. Once again a very liberating feeling.

The subways are a prime example of this behavior, had this been Wisconsin everyone would be striking up conversation with the people they didn't know around them or being loud, but in New York people just kind of kept to themselves. Their was no need to be friendly. That doesn't mean they aren't nice people. It's just that there ate too many other people to be nice to, so instead you just keep to yourself unless an opportunity arises to be nice. At least that's how I took it.

While on the subject of subways I must admit they confused me. I wasn't too bad but even at the end of the trip I would find myself second guessing myself. In fact for the most part I never had to navigate on my own. The group seemed to have clear leaders as far as navigating went, and I began to realize about halfway through the trip that I wasn't one of those. It was at this point that I found myself in a position with more “followers” like myself, and we had to find a way back to the hotel. While it was somewhat scary it was also pretty cool. I have never been much of a map guy so I'm sure I looked pretty dumb attempting to decipher it, like a chimp with an upside down book I gave the illusion of reading. However against all odds I did figure out how to get back with time to spare (not a lot though...). I have to say I was pretty proud of myself even if it wasn't that big of a deal, and as a plus, during this little trek I found myself staring through the night sky at the top of the glowing Chrysler building. It was the weirdest feeling, but for some reason I felt very alive. It was like when people say they feel the pulse of the city, and they start stepping to a different beat. For whatever reason taking the thirty seconds to look at that building made me feel like if I were to live there I wouldn't be doing it alone, I would be a part of something bigger, because there are thousands of people like me who are trying to do the same thing and look at that building and get a similar feeling. It was pretty neat.

It's experiences like looking at the Chrysler Building that have changed me. I no longer feel like I need to get so nervous about the little things. If I can navigate New York, and talk to complete strangers about stuff I only know surface knowledge about, then why do I need to get nervous riding the bus or asking for help in Eau Claire Wisconsin? Sense I've been back I've been trying new things and working harder at letting the little things role off me. In general I'm living life more like I'm the only one watching.

I went to New York wondering if I could even survive there, and I learned that I definitely could just like eight million other people, and I learned that hard work and persistence does can pay off, it just might take a while. New York gave me a new attitude towards what I want to go into. I used to think that the odds of me even being able to support myself were slim, which is admittedly a bad attitude, but I didn't really know what the life of a performer was like. Now a realize that it's not so much a question of if you will make it, but when. It could take years or it could take weeks, that's just how New York works, but as long as you keep your flame lit and continue to work at your craft eventually you will meet success on some level.

I would love to get back to New York and try out the city again with this new mind set. Now that I have a feel for it and realize that I don't need to be so scared, it would be so much easier to go there and just live for however brief a time. I learned so much and am so grateful for the experience.