Finding a Pulse

Trying to put my emotions into words has been one of my biggest struggles since returning from New York. The feeling that New York gives you as an individual is something that is something you experience, not explain. New York City has its own pulse that you feel the minute you step out of the airport, and although it is overwhelming at first, it’s harder to leave than it was to be there for the first time. Coming back to Eau Claire has opened my eyes to the most important thing in my life – me.

Before going to New York I had an array of insecurities following me to the city from the unknown world of a big city, to fearing subways, planning out my one on one interview, and not being swallowed up by any foolish mistakes. It was the first time I would be exploring a big city “by myself”  and my gosh was I afraid. However, as the week progressed I think the areas I best succeeded in were my leadership skills as well as the growth I experienced in the courage it took to be a leader. I may have ended up in the wrong subway stations more times that I had hoped to, but I kept trying to learn from my mistakes, and keep exploring!

Throughout our time in New York, surprises were around every corner. I was most surprised by how open and willing to share each person we interviewed was – especially through my one on one interviews with Jon and Will! Each performer is more than happy to talk about their experiences and encourage aspiring performers to chase their dreams just like they are. The “reality check” our accompanist Ben gave us about waking up to a strange man was a bit more shocking than all of the actor’s stories, but even surprises like that are just another step in preparing to live in a big “pulsing” city like New York.

In returning to New York (which will happen mind you) I am really hoping to get myself networking earlier, and more diligently to be able to give myself and the group as many interview and experience opportunities that I can. All of our group activities were the work of excellent networking, and I hope to be able to contribute more on my next trip! I also plan on READING my NFT NYC book and gain more knowledge about the city! Every street holds its own surprises just waiting to be explored, and what better way to find them then to know about them! I want to eat more variety of food (and try Mitra’s Persian restaurant!) and also, most importantly, prepare for the elements better. Who would’ve known a girl from Wisconsin would be cold on a vacation….Once I’m back in NYC I’m going to bring a tangible journal to write about how much I have learned from my next adventures in the big apple.

The diversity that I saw in NYC was much like the diversity that I have seen in other big cities – large and in charge. Diversity runs the city of New York in the differences in appearance, personality, conversational interaction, kindness, and overall attitude towards living in New York. Yes, people are going to create music in and around the subways for music every single day, and then once you get off the subway you might see a car drive by that’s worth more money than some of the subway musicians combined will ever see. It’s a city with a wide variety of social and economic classes, but yet one of the most important things about New York, and the rest of the world, is to accept these differences, and keep to yourself just as much as anyone who lives there. The attitude of greeting anyone you see (“Midwest nice”) doesn’t exist there – it just takes a bit to realize and adjust to that. Harumph. Smile more, NYC! 

From all of my experiences in New York, the one that mattered the most was my personal journey and how the trip shaped me as an aspiring performer and student here at UWEC. My first goal was to able to determine for myself if I would even be able to survive in a city like NYC, and from there begin to listen to my heart and figure out my first steps towards shaping my future. I went to New York uncertain of my plans, I came back as a driven performer, and I write this reflection a month later facing the same confusion I did before I left. I am not sure if the “pulse” of the city has officially left me, but through all of the questions of things I need, want, and am going to do throughout the journey of this immersion, I am hoping to be able to take some time to listen to my own pulse, and let it guide me to the next journey in my life. Where it's leading me, I have no idea, but I think it it is due time that I finally start making decisions about what I truly want in life. It's a lot harder than it seemed.